Most of us live in a dynamic and complex network of people, constantly surrounded by our family member, colleagues, friends, relatives, or even our classmates. In most situations, we tend to try and find ways of getting along with other people. However, this does not apply every time. Every once in a while, you get into situations like getting cut off by a driver on the road, a sibling making noise while you are studying and hung up by person. When contrary beliefs and opinions or misunderstandings and miscommunication occur, interpersonal conflict may be inescapable.
Similar to the causes, there are a few ways of dealing with a conflict. A few months back, I experienced a conflict between one of my family members, my mother. This incident happened during my exam period, two days before my math final exam. Since young, I have developed a habit of studying late at night. Personally, I found that studying late at night works better for me as compared to studying in the morning. As usual, I was at home studying for my exams when my mother came into the room and started scolding me.
Mum: “Please go to sleep, NOW!”
Me: “Ma, I am studying. I’ll sleep later.”
Mum: “Look at the time now, it’s late. Go to sleep or you’ll be grounded.”
(Raising my voice)
Me: “But ma, my exam is around the corner and I study better late at night”
(Replying angrily)
Mum: “Don’t be rude. Stop giving me some lame excuse. Study in the afternoon instead.”
Me: “but ma …”
(Mum interrupts)
Mum: “This is your last warning. Sleep or you’ll be grounded this weekends”
(Mum walks out of the room)
Upon calming myself down, I realized that there were a few factors contributing to the conflict. Firstly would be the emotions that we were having. Thinking back about the incident, she was only concerned about my well-being as she thought that I was being too hard on myself. Second would be the difference between our opinions. Everyone is different in their own unique ways. To some people, for example my mother, studying late at night is unproductive and tiring but to some, it may be more productive due to quiet and peaceful environment at night. How should I convince my mum that I am more productive at night?
HyirahhSyahirahh
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Edited on:
18th March 2016
Commented on:
- Steven: http://steven-iwcom150.blogspot.sg/
- Zong Hong: https://captainzonghong.wordpress.com
- Angela: https: https://heyhihelloangelacom150.wordpress.com
Hi Hyirah,
ReplyDeleteGreat read! However, as you mentioned in your blogpost, the main cause of your conflict is due to the miscommunication between you two. My suggestion to you is, you could explain to her about your study habits and explain that it will be more productive for you to study at night and she wouldn't be so worried about you overworking yourself for school. The conflict that you mentioned is due to the clashing of ideas of how studying at night will affect you.
Hope my suggestion is helpful to you and the misunderstanding between you and your mother will be cleared up.
Hey Angela,
DeleteHonestly, i have tried to explain to her my studying habits and etc. Instead of trying to understand, it made the matter worse. She thought that i being was rude as i was talking back instead of listening to her. How should i approach her?
Try to tell her, by giving her some examples that she could understand, relating back to her. Giving her some examples that both of you do things differently, and she will be able to understand the mindset better. For example, that maybe some people shower at night but some does it before heading out in the morning. Telling her that there are different ways to achieve the same goal.
DeleteHope this help!
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DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteHi Hyirahh,
ReplyDeleteI had a similar experience as you about having a conflict with a family member due to studying. I wrote about it in my blogpost but I could not resolve the conflict as well.
However, thinking back I believe that the best way to resolve this conflict is to stop what you are doing at that exact moment, treat this as a break and have a nice talk with your mum. Maybe you can have the talk in the living room with some beverage and then tell her why you are more productive at night. This may calm your mum down as your mum seems to be in competing mode according to the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument test.
Like what Angela had commented, you could explain to her about your studying habits and tell her why she should not be so worried about your well being.
This small talk may allow your mum to understand you better and be more supportive. Maybe she would even prepare supper for you next time?
I hope this suggestion of mine would help you to convince your mum.
Hey ZH,
DeleteThank you for the suggestions and feedback. I feel that if i had done as what was suggested by you, she would try to understand my situation as it does not seem as if i am competing with her on who is right. Hopefully i am able to convince her in the future.
This is a finely-detailed scenario, Hyirrah, clearly revealing the characters involved, the motivations and the differing expectations.
ReplyDeleteYour question is also well focused.
It's amazing to me how many student conflicts involve the demands of study. Thanks for sharing!
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ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHello Hyirahh,
ReplyDeleteFrom the argument with your mom, I feel that both you and your mom are in competing mode and neither of you wants to be on the losing side.
Like what you have said, when we are calm we tend to think better. Our anger would overtake our emotions when we are angry and I believe that is the main reason when you raised your voice when replying your mom at one point.
I agree to you that different people have different study habit and some people are more productive at night.
Maybe you could have a talk with your mom, be more collaborating and come out with a plan where you would only sleep late during the exam period while on the non-exam period you would sleep early. I believe it would be a win-win situation for both you and your mom.
Hope it helps.
You've received lots of good feedback for this scenario. :)
ReplyDelete